Have you ever been excited about something coming up, only to feel worried it might not go as planned? This isn’t just about things we’ve lost or are losing, but also about what we might lose in the future. This feeling is called anticipatory grief.
Anticipatory grief is a tricky emotion where joy gets overshadowed by fear of loss. It makes us cautious about feeling happy, as if enjoying the moment could bring pain later. Brené Brown says it’s like trying to “dress-rehearse tragedy to beat vulnerability to the punch.” While it might seem like a way to protect ourselves, it can actually make us afraid of being happy.
This response comes from our limbic system, the part of our brain that tries to keep us safe from harm, both physically and emotionally. By expecting future losses, our limbic system wants to protect us from the hurt they might cause. While this is a normal human reaction, understanding why it happens can help us handle it better and not let it take away from enjoying the present.
When we open ourselves up to the present, letting us enjoy life without unnecessary worry. Imagine wearing a heavy winter coat in summer, just in case it turns cold. It’s uncomfortable and unnecessary, right? In the same way, always guarding against sadness can be tiring and stop us from fully enjoying life. Our brains might think they’re keeping us safe, but it can leave us feeling stuck and scared.
Anticipatory grief can cause thoughts that limit us:
- “I shouldn’t get too hopeful about this new treatment; it might not work.”
- “I probably shouldn’t plan to attend that event; I might be too unwell.”
- “I should keep my distance from new friends; they might not get my limitations.”
- “I should not set big goals for myself because I’ve been let down by my health before.”
- “Maybe it’s better not to get too close to anyone; I might become a burden or they might leave.”
It’s important to realize that the protection we think we’re getting from grief often ends up weighing more than the grief itself. Life isn’t naturally tiring; it’s the way we brace ourselves against it that wears us out. Our limbic system is on high alert for danger, which makes it miss the chances for good changes and new joys.
What if you chose to focus on the positive instead?
Think about turning your energy towards embracing joy and thankfulness. Gratitude helps fight anticipatory grief. It keeps us anchored in the present and reminds us that, most of the time, things are actually okay. Let’s celebrate this fact:
- “This new chance could bring happiness and new lessons, even if I have to go slow.”
- “The trip I’m planning might be tough, but it will also have beautiful moments and rest.”
- “My partner is with me on this journey, and we’re figuring it out together.”
- “I might need to aim for smaller, more adaptable goals, but reaching them will be rewarding.”
- “My friends and family get my situation and support me without judgment.”
To build gratitude and quiet the worry about the future, try these steps:
- Write down three good things in your life right now. Start small and grow your gratitude. It could be enjoying a great book, a comfy moment, or a chat that made you smile. These little wins are important and help build a stronger sense of thankfulness.
- Take a deep breath and really feel that these good things are real and happening. Let the truth of these moments sink in deeply with each breath. This helps ground you in the present and strengthens your sense of the positive things in your life, despite any difficulties.
- Allow yourself to fully enjoy these good moments. Embrace these bits of happiness freely and without guilt. Understanding that joy, even in small amounts, is not just okay but crucial for your well-being.
Focusing on gratitude lets us reclaim our joy and fully live in the moment. By steering our limbic system away from constant fear of what might go wrong,
Please feel welcome to get in touch with me to share your story, ask questions, or simply to say hello. Remember, you’re not walking this path alone; we’re here to support each other, every step of the way.
No matter where you are in your wellness journey, I’m glad you’re here. And know that I’m here cheering you on.
