Have you ever been in a place where you feel resistance to even simple neural retraining exercises?
Resistance can show up as procrastination. Or lack of motivation. Or perhaps doing the exercises, but just not being able to put your heart into it. Or it could show up in increased physical or emotional symptoms.
Resistance can really take the wind out of our neural retraining sails! What used to bring joy just now brings irritation. And those earlier feelings of hopefulness can turn into feelings of being frustrated, stuck, and hopeless.
First, know that resistance is entirely normal! It stems from fear and uncertainty about the unknown, as well as a desire to stay in our comfort zone where we feel safe and secure. Any time we step into growth (or even consider it!) our limbic system will step in and question the safety of that idea. Even though where life is currently at may be uncomfortable, the brain would rather stay where it is than take a risk, no matter how small.
In our not so distant past this fear of change was a critical survival mechanism, however things are different now. Fortunately we don’t need to be on the lookout for lions and tigers and bears!
But our limbic system (the fight or flight system of the brain) hasn’t changed. So any time we step out of our current comfort zone to try something even a bit new, it can trigger an alarm.
Those triggers can most often be traced back to our thought patterns, rather than a true danger. Some of the thought patterns that can trigger resistance can be:
- Fear of failure. One of the primary reasons for emotional resistance is the fear of failure. Even simple challenges can trigger this fear because they still involve a risk of not succeeding. If we have a lot of self doubt, criticism, or judgment or if we feel guilt or even shame over failure, the fear of failure will most likely trigger our limbic system to protect us.
- Fear of the unknown. The brain is wired to seek out familiarity and routine, and breaking out of that pattern can be difficult. The unknown can be especially daunting because it can feel like there are endless possibilities for what could happen, including the potential for unwanted outcomes. In an effort to avoid those unwanted outcomes, the limbic system can trigger to prevent us from taking risks or making the changes that we want to make in our lives.
- Overthinking. Sometimes we may overthink a situation and make it more complicated than it needs to be. We might worry about all the potential outcomes or how others will perceive us, leading to resistance even if the challenge itself is straightforward.
- Perfectionism. Perfectionism can also contribute to resistance. If we have high expectations for ourselves and feel that we must do everything perfectly, even a simple challenge can become overwhelming. We might feel that anything less than perfect is a failure, leading to stress and anxiety. Those who deal with perfectionism are often carrying a great deal of guilt and shame, which further exacerbates the limbic’s drive to be perfect.
So how can we help to convince that limbic system that these new tools of neural retaining are not only safe, but are wonderful and enjoyable? Here are five ways to help move through resistance and guide your brain to relax into the journey:
1. Baby steps.
I can’t say this enough! It’s so easy to get excited about all the wonderful things that the world has to offer that we have a tendency to jump in full speed ahead. The limbic system is easily overwhelmed and digs its feet in to say, “Whoa! Too much, too fast.”
When we take baby steps, we’re teaching the limbic system a little bit at a time that the world is no longer the scary, dangerous world of the past, but that it’s an exciting wonderful place full of adventure and fun. Baby steps may seem boring and tiresome at first, but when you start small eventually you’ll be able to take those bigger steps in order to reach your goals.
Baby steps will look different for each of us, but may look like:
-breathwork for just three deep breaths
-just 10 minutes of morning practice (rather than an hour)
-enjoy walking or dancing around the house for 5 minutes (rather than forcing a mile)
-create a comfortable inviting space to set yourself up for a peaceful morning practice time tomorrow
-say no to something so you can have more mental and emotional energy
2. Celebrate the wins.
Right along with baby steps, celebrating the wins can give you the boost you need to move through resistance. The brain loves celebration because it releases dopamine – a powerful neurotransmitter that plays a critical role in how we feel pleasure and reward. The brain craves dopamine.
An example of how dopamine works is when we receive a compliment. When someone compliments us, our brain releases dopamine, making us feel good and increasing the likelihood that we’ll seek out similar positive experiences in the future. When we celebrate our wins, it has that same effect – the brain is actually drawn to repeat those behaviors in order to increase dopamine release.
No matter how small the baby step, stopping for a moment of celebration motivates the brain to want to repeat that behavior the next time.
3. Become solution-focused.
The brain’s job is to keep us safe, so it’s easy to fall into patterns of ruminating about all the things that could go wrong. And boy, the list is endless!
But when we become aware of our internal voice and begin to guide it towards finding solutions, it interrupts the rumination and gives the brain something to do instead of worrying. This could be as simple as making a to-do list (rather than ruminating about all the things that have to get done), planning coffee with a girlfriend, or rethinking your morning routine so that you can prioritize a good amount of time for your morning retraining program.
4. Plan ahead.
When we’re dealing with resistance the world seems so out of control. Pick one area to plan ahead to be successful. Maybe it means cleaning laundry off your chair and setting up a playlist for your meditation time tomorrow. Or making a list of kind but helpful things to say next time you talk to that friend or family member (you know the one!). Or thinking through your options when certain symptoms or emotions arise.
And don’t wait to celebrate until the event happens – take a few minutes to celebrate your commitment to planning ahead!
5. Find what brings you joy.
Start every day with the question, “What brings me joy today?”, then figure out how to make that happen, even if it’s in a small way. It may be something as simple as sitting and petting the cat for a few minutes, looking through travel websites to imagine that trip you’d some day like to take, or getting out for a walk (or just a sit) in nature.
Whatever it is that brings you joy, plan it in your day. The emotion of joy releases positive neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin that help to calm the limbic system. If you’re not sure what brings you joy, take some time each day to explore and see if you can find it.
Know that resistance is very typical in neural retraining and that these feelings are normal. These emotions can serve as a signal that we’re stepping outside of our comfort zone and stretching ourselves in new ways – and this is worth celebrating! The key is then to find the balance between calm, comfort, and safety on the one hand, and growth and challenge on the other. This can be tricky when you first start retraining, but when you stick with it, you’ll figure out the balance and learn how to move through it. The key is learning how to work with the resistance and not letting it become a barrier to moving forward in your neural retraining.
