One question that I frequently hear from clients is “How can I relax and move confidently into the future when all I can think about is my failures from the past? I feel so stuck!”
Yep, I’ve thought that exact thought too. How about you? Our limbic system (the body’s fight/flight system that’s constantly working to keep us safe) is wired to remember the past and to live like everything in our past – our circumstances, our knowledge, our skills and abilities – will continue into our future. Our limbic says that the past will be our future. It works to avoid all risks and unknowns, and limits our ability to grow and change.
We’ve all got those fears and doubts running just under the surface, usually below our conscious awareness. For me that often sounds like, “I’m not smart enough to do that”, or “I’ve never been able to do that so it’s too hard”. And even as I write this, I can hear that little voice saying, “I’ve never been a good writer, so why even try?”
Of course, we know that things change, but these old beliefs come from deep in our subconscious. Our conscious/rational/thinking brain knows intellectually that our future circumstances will be different from our past. But that message has a more difficult time getting into our subconscious limbic brain. The rational brain wants to move forward with new challenges and adventures, but for some reason, we just keep procrastinating or avoiding taking action. That’s the limbic brain sending the danger signal.
So how do we get in touch with that limbic system and help it to let go of old thoughts and fears?
First, start with awareness.
As simple as it sounds, our limbic system is constantly running under our conscious awareness so we need to start by getting in touch with its messages. Its so easy to get caught up in always being busy that we don’t often take this time to slow down and listen. Good places to start would be practicing mindfulness, meditation, or even just journaling. This could include walks in nature, a heartfelt talk with a good friend, or just setting aside some quiet time each day to be aware and listen.
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Next we want to guide our thoughts toward our new desired beliefs.
Whenever you become aware of those old beliefs coming up, you can guide your thoughts toward your desired new beliefs. For me that looks like reminding myself, “I am resilient. I am flexible. I can learn new things.”
Then we lean into curiosity.
Curiosity is a wonderful exercise to break out of being stuck. Take a few minutes to brainstorm the possible next steps. And the options don’t have to even be realistic. For example, you do have a choice to run away and hide out somewhere in the wilds of Montana. Just the act of making choices, no matter how unreasonable the options may be, can loosen up the thought process and allow you to feel more in control of your responses. In addition to some of the outrageous adventures, come up with several doable baby steps. Keep reminding yourself that you are resilient and flexible, and can learn new things.
And then we want to take action.
Obviously we’re not going to jump into a new project full speed ahead! But we can take baby steps. We can do a google search for information, have a conversation with a friend, or talk to a coach, instructor, or advisor about what could be the next steps. It’s when we take action, no matter how small, that we begin to convince our subconscious brain that it’s safe to challenge those old, outdated beliefs and to move forward.
What are the old stuck beliefs that keep popping up for you? How can you become aware of them, guide them to new more desirable beliefs, approach them with curiosity, and take action?
I’d love to hear from you! Let me know what you come up with. I always look forward to hearing from and connecting with others on this path.
